I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
