I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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