Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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