when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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