What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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