Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
