I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
