idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
