apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
