I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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