I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
