So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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