you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
