just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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