so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
