did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
