You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
