they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
