Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
