You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
