Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
