im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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