So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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