Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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