I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
