is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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