So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
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