I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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