Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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