You're earring is so big in my mouth
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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