wakey wakey hands off snakey
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
