Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
one two three fourrrrnication!
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
