I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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