Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
