Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
