chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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