My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
she pinky promised me she was 18
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
