Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
