You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
