dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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