I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Randomize
