Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
