I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
