you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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