my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
