you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
