remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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