he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
