I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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