You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
