Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
3pm strippers are depressing
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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