shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
What drink are we having for lunch?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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