you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
