There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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