This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
