I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
