butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
