just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
