I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
