Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
